Judgey-Wudgey: The Heart Truth Red Dress Collection Fashion Show

I didn't think I had the heart to criticize The Heart Truth Red Dress Collection Fashion Show. I really shouldn't make fun of a woman's heath organisation but here was have famous people pretending to be models in custom-made gowns. 


I'm giving myself permission to proceed. 

Prepare yourself for a lot of red. This runway show was proof that a woman who wears red is no wall flower, more like poison ivy trying to grow over your eyelids.

Look at them for God's sake, how could I possibly give the likes of Jenna Elfman, Rose McGowan and Rebacca Romijn a pass?

So many scene stealers on one stage. Chaka Khan wins it by literally covering Rose Byrne's and Gloria Estefan's gowns with her own. That's serving it up, bitches.

Chaka wore a fierce-as-fuck leopard print dress with a silky belted opera coat. This could only be the work of Project Runway alum, master of exhuberance and home of the bitchiest laugh in fashion, Chris March. 

Bow down before her, it's Crystal Carrington. Wasn't cool of Linda Evans to send a drag-alike delegate?

Rebecca Romijn sickened  and bored us all at once in her never-aging face and that expected chiffony dress with twisted tulle detail by Marchesa.

Couldn't DVF have found someone who not only knows how to walk a runway but doesn't look like they're on day release? The dress in theory is fabulous but how Minka Kelly holds herself in it, looks like she's wearing a house coat. Also not a good tooth-to-lip-smile-ratio.

What was being passed around backstage? Rose McGowan is either high or kidding. I really can't tell which. I know it's a full-tilt 'you go girl' event but really, did they have to get the models wasted? Sponsored by Diet Coke incidentally. Unofficially sponsored by the hip flask.

Please note I wasn't mean to Rose's face. It's suffering enough.

Jeannette Torres is clearly of Spanish extraction so maybe she's not drunk, but caliente.

Giselle Blondet is clearly half-in-the-bag and understandably ecstatic she got the best dress, by Oscar De La Renta.

Is there a dress or a stylist that can make Jenna Elfman not look like a tomboy or make looking like a tomboy work for her? She never looks comfortable in feminine clothing. The fact that the dress is sitting three inches too low on her bust isn't helping the situation.

She needs to take a leaf out of the Ellen DeGeneres lookbook. If I couldn't see Jenna's feet, I would assume she was wearing New Balance under there.

The New York Fashion Week amFAR Gala is coming, darlings.